http://i1chocolat.blogspot.com
Taiwan!
A country mesmerized by Japanese culture
Be it automobiles, comics or movies...
everything in Taiwan...
has a trace of Japanese culture
And much like Japan,
Taiwan has many social problems
One of them,
is juvenile delinquency
Taiwan has material wealth,
but its youth are
spiritually empty In Taiwan,
Taiwanese teenagers are waiting...
for us to save them
Right now, Taiwan...
When did she pass away?
So this is our special program
We will conquer Taiwan!
Our hostesses, Luna, Lumi,
will declare war on Taiwan's delinquent teens
I get it.
We will not rest...
until we've weeded out every one of them!
Delinquent teens in Taiwan!
Take heed!
Your time is up!
We're coming after you!
"Saving Taiwan's Delinquents"
It will be our second anniversary special
Any questions?
Does Taiwan have tan girls with platform shoes?
What if we can't find any delinquents?
Taiwan has Wulong tea and pineapple cake
It's an agricultural country, right?
Yes, and mangoes are popular too!
So delicious!
Taiwan's not like you think...
We don't want tan platform shoe girls
Since it's a special program,
we want something special...
I see...
Hey, dude,
"Knives that chop bones like butter"
Man, why can't we use an axe?
Check this out, great grip, clean slice...
Nah,
It doesn't feel right
How come? Look at this...!
Hey, Hey!
How does that one feel?
Oh my god, I'm cumming...
Could this be the "one"!?
We've found it! We've finally found it!
I've never been as happy as I am today...
After searching all this time...
We've finally found it!
If you really want it,
I'll give it to you for $1,500!
You've got some balls,
reading porn...
in front of the Presidential Office?
I could book you for public indecency.
What's that?
My name is Lin, 17 years old
Why I am standing here
is because...
I've lost my sense of direction
Seven days ago,
the only friend in my life,
suddenly passed away.
Boss Cheng used to tell me...
everyone in the world...
has a purpose in life
Some like to drag race,
some rob drugstores,
some just like to eat
I am not interested in things like that
But what is my purpose in life?
Where could I go to find it?
Oh, Shit...
Mother Fucker...
Where did those bastards go?
This car stinks!
You've got to be kidding!
We're riding in this?
We can only afford this
Why didn't we just do this in Japan?
Right!
Why did we have to come to Taiwan?
This sucks!
Ok, get to work,
Where's the translator?
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am late!
Let's get going!
Wake him up...
Sir!
Excuse me, your car is in the way
Can you let us through?
Sorry!
Asshole! What are you doing!
What are you up to!
Bastard! What's your problem!
You will pay for this!
Stop!
I am sorry, it's our mistake...
Everyone back in the car, let's go!
Hurry, Okada, pick up the bumper!
Now that we've found it...
We can take Mary out to the movies
Pay for our traffic tickets
And go to Karaoke!
And get tattoos too!
That can wait, let's practice first
Ok!
Let's say there is a purse in your hand...
and a million bucks inside...
You come up from behind...
Should I first grab her hand?
No, I might end up hacking your arm
Shouldn't you warn me before chopping it off?
Man, how are we going to do this?
How hard should we chop?
Do we slice it lightly,
or chop the whole arm off?
Hmm, let's talk about this for a minute
First of all,
do we aim at the arm or wrist?
Anyway,
how much did you sell the sword for?
Only $1,500!
And those pricks took it on loan!
Good for nothing!
Selling it may have been a good thing
The sword's called "Inu-maru"
The 400 year old blade is razor sharp,
and can cut through steel
But...
I've heard it's cursed...
and whoever holds it...
is doomed.
Is that true?
We should chop at the wrist!
Yeah! Chop at the wrist!
Just like this!
Three centimeters above the palm!
Hey dude, I was thinking,
if you cut someone's hand this way,
will it hurt?
I just sliced myself,
and it hurt like hell
If you cut a palm off,
that's got to hurt?
There's nothing we can do about that
All I know is that...
there is a hand out there...
waiting to be chopped off by this sword
It's fate,
when this sword was made
Its fate was already decided
That's what my dad told me
From the moment you were born,
you were destined...
to be punched by this fist
There's got to be a hand out there...
waiting to be hacked off by this sword!
I am really curious...
what the hand looks like
Me too...
Ok, from now on,
we will be the Hacking Trio!
The Hacking Trio!
Dude...
we're so lucky!
I can't stand it anymore!!
Lin?!
You are...?
You don't remember me?
I remember you! You are Tam!
We were classmates during our freshmen year!
You sat behind me
Long time no see,
You look...
You're thinking why am I like this, right?
It has something to do with you...
Me?
Buying condoms, eh?
Dental floss
Is that so?
Do you have a girlfriend now?
I used to have a crush on you...
what?
I gave you hints...
but you never noticed me...
I asked you to go to the movies...
but you'd never go
You treated me like shit
For two weeks,
I even bought you a tea egg every day
and put it in your desk
Tea egg?
And not once...
did you say how it tasted...
Lin,
did you ever like me?
Tam,
if I asked you to go to the movies now,
would it be too late?
Let's get out of here!
Come on!
Let's go!
I never would've imagined it,
that tea egg...
changed my life
Tea egg!
Now I remember!
It's you!
You were the one!
Stand up!
Bow!
Good morning teacher!
Good morning students! Please be seated
Where's Lin?
What does this mean?
It's Dutch,
meaning "Only the Best"
What about this?
It's Danish:
"The Wettest teens in Europe"
That one's really good
Lin,
I know that you are at the top of your class
Even if you stop coming to school...
you could get into the top university
But, you're only 17...
do you really need...
so many porno magazines?
"Hypochondria at the age of 8..."
Do you know what Hypochondria is?
It's a temporarily fixation,
where you think you have some disorder
Why?
What was wrong with you?
If you will talk about it...
I am more than willing to listen
It's my penis...
my genitals
What?
The size of my penis
I have...
always felt something was wrong
Everyone says I am abnormal
Teacher,
Do you know how ashamed I've felt?
I couldn't let anyone know,
I couldn't go swimming,
or even take a piss with others
I have no friends
The doctor told me...
There was little hope for cure...
Lin, trust me,
being small is not a problem
And just like humans,
it will grow bigger
Size is really not important
Take my word for it
I am married
Small ones have their advantages
Nothing wrong with being small...
You took it all wrong!
I don't believe you!
It's true!
I gotta see it to believe it!
I used to be a nurse...
I've seen a lot
Come on, take your pants off...
let me take a look, be a good boy...
This is why I am so ashamed
You've been this way all along?
Impossible, how do you get your pants on?
Oh, I just wrap it up...
and use rubber bands...
Just like this
But how do you, you... you pee?
No problem at all,
and when I really have to go...
I can hold it this way
There was this one time,
I wanted to commit suicide
But pornography saved my life
Pornography, also known as "A" book
I bought my first "A" book,
when I was ten years old.
The motivation was simple:
I just wanted to see what
other's penises looked like
and how they were different from mine.
Auntie, how do I get to Wanhwa?
Wanhwa?
At the third red-light ahead
make a right and then...
After suffered from Hypochondria for 3 years
that was the first time I spoke with a stranger,
just because I wanted to go to Wanhwa
and buy a "A" book
Sir,
Do you sell "A" book?
"A" book?
Any porn?
Porn?
From the time I was in the 3rd grade
From Neihu to Wanhwa.
I'd travel 60 kilometers on bike everyday
I'd just ride and ride...
All of that bike riding...
helped me set a record...
for the fastest 100 meter race in school
I'll never forget...
the day I met Boss Cheng.
There are those who say I am worse than a pig
to sell porn...
to a ten years old boy
Yet,
when I saw him,
I knew he really needed my help
He really needed my help
I even thought that...
if he hadn't found me then,
if I hadn't let him in,
he may not have lived through the night
Come on in!
Are you sure you're ready?
My name is Cheng,
You can call me Boss Cheng.
What's your name?
Lin.
You're young...
and it's your first time...
you better start with comics
I got money
Don't give me money
You need anything, just come by
You have any questions, ask me
Ok?
A new world opened before my eyes
Seven days a week,
for five hours a day
I helped out at the store,
organizing shelves, ripping off covers,
taking orders...
Before you know it,
seven years passed by
Where did this egg come from?
I knew every model in the magazines...
and they knew me
I'd given them everything I could
and they gave me something too,
something I most needed
Everywhere I went,
they were with me
They were never angry with me
their smiles never faded...
always so young and vibrant
Whenever I needed them, they were there
They were never too busy."
Well,
Who needs real women anyway?
Who needs a girlfriend?
At least,
I know I don't.
You're wrong!
You say that
because you don't have purpose in life.
My purpose is in these magazines
That's my purpose...
not yours!
My purpose is the same as yours!
No, you can't be like me!
Why not?
Lin, you're still a virgin right?
If you were to give up your innocence...
who would you do it with?
If I could... it would be a housewife
Why?
A housewife...
can give you some special care,
like a mother
Even if I remain a virgin the rest of my life
I wouldn't care
I already know...
what a climax feels like
No, you don't have a clue
Lin, you're absolutely wrong!
Sex without love is not real sex
A climax without love,
is not a real climax
Love?
Basically, orgasm,
or say: climax.
can be divided into three categories
The highest,
is sex with love
the second,
is sex without love,
and the last is masturbation,
the lowliest of them all.
Lin, I think...
what you really need is not these magazines
but a real live woman
I need a woman?
There's only one way to find the answer
Tonight,
when you go home and beat-off,
don't look at any porn, just close your eyes
And the woman who appears...
will be the one you're looking for
I can't remember anyone
There seem to be...
some blurry images...
flash through my head
I've got to try harder...
Ouch! Muscle spasm...
I couldn't think of anyone
After seven years,
since pornography entered my life...
it is the first time...
I've really felt lonely
It's also the night...
Boss Cheng met his final destiny
No one really knows...
what happened that night
Everything started...
with this crazy cop...
chasing three teenagers who were drag racing...
Bastards! Pull over!
Eat My Shit!
Fuck!
To this day, I still don't understand...
how that cop could ride a motorbike...
straight into the bookstore...
and hit Boss Cheng?
The newspapers said,
the cop was cracking down on porn stores
But,
if that was the case,
why did he have shit all over him?
That night,
when the cop tried to help Boss Cheng,
Cheng's last words were:
This book's mine
Several days ago a motorcycle crash...
uncovered one of the biggest
illegal pornography outlets to date
This morning Taipei City police...
took the 50,000 magazines they had seized...
Boss, they burned all of your books
and burned them at an incinerator
What's that sound?
Boss, did you hear that?
It wasn't until the doctor said...
his heart was clogged,
that I knew
the sound
was the sound of Boss Cheng's heart breaking
Over the past seven years,
he was my source of wisdom
When he died,
everything fell apart
Yes...
I am Cheng's lawyer,
your name is included in his will
My name?
Please sign here...
Well,
he'd planned to leave all of his books to you
but since they've been burned
now...
this is all there is left
I heard you knew Cheng for seven years
and that you helped him out at the store?
So you knew...
all the way...
he was selling pornography?
Shame on you!
Phooey!
Lin, who'd have thought...
this would be my last gift to you
Take this key,
to the address,
and find the girl in the book
She'll rid you of all your confusion
And lastly, when you meet her...
please tell her,
I will always love her, Cheng.
Dude, when I was little, I thought...
that prison was like serving in the army,
everyone had to go there for a while
Why is that?
Because my dad, my brother,
my uncle, my brother in law, and my cousins
all went to prison
Back then, I used to think,
fuck! I've gotta grow up,
and go to prison to see what it's like
Maybe it's because...
they're so ugly?
I've seen your dad and he's butt-ugly!
Ugly?
Dad, from now on it's like this,
if you hit Mom, I'll hit you twice
I still owe you a slug
Got you!
You delinquents!
We've got you!
Give up, you shit-heads!
Are you even 18?
Who told you to dye your hair!?
No helmets?
Do you have a license?
You make me sick!
You bunch of scums!
Cut!
Good, translator,
explain our program to them
I am pooped, it's so hot...
We are with a Japanese TV company
producing a show called:
"Saving Taiwan's Street Delinquents"
We need teenagers...
who look like delinquents...
Delinquents? Who's the delinquent!
Why us!
Do we look like juvenile delinquents?
You two, stretch out your arms!
Your arms!
Aren't you listening!
You, give me a fingernail clipper
Look at these hands!
I can't stand girls with long nails!
Cut them all off!
Mother Fucker! Look how neat my fingernails...
Hey!
Look at that!
That's the tattoo I want!
The shirt Yuki bought for me...
How dare you!
I am Alikura of Japan's Sumiyoshi gang!
The assassin�s knife "Inu-maru"!
Where did you get it!
It's so beautiful...
I've never seen such a beautiful tattoo...
You don't look like the type who'd have a tattoo
When I was young,
I was with Japan's largest gang
"Sumiyoshi Union"
You used to be a gang member!
One day,
when I was running low on cash I robbed a girl
Armed robbery!
That girl's name was Yuki Koide
After we're married,
she's called Yuki Alikura
She married you! Became your wife!
It's not him?
Take another look, it's him isn't it?
Afterwards, I asked her why she didn't identify me
She said:
Ken,
when I first saw you,
a magical tune
appeared in my head
The melody is so beautiful
I thought, if you...
could make me hear such a beautiful thing
there was still hope for you
I was willing to give you a second chance
That's why
I was so touched. I asked her,
if I get out of the gang,
would she be willing to date me
A year later, we got married
Here, let me sew it
My best grades were in home economics
Yuki gave me this shirt
I'll sew it myself
Next time we go to your place,
you'll have to let us meet your wife
Your finger!
Wolong Street, Lane 248, Alley 33, No. 2-1
No. 1, 2, 3?
What's going on?
Where is No 2-1?
You looking for No 2-1?
Finally, someone looking for No 2-1!
No one has been there before?
No letters?
For years I've wondered...
why is there a door there?
Who would come and open it?
And where does it lead to?
Aren't you coming?
Good luck
Who are you! What are you doing here?
When did you build this secret passage?
What do you want?
Where did you get this?
I...
Boss Cheng gave it to me
Boss Cheng?
Which Boss Cheng? Tell me!
The book store owner!
Book store?
Cheng Tie-nan?
You're lying!
Cheng would never do anything like that!
It's true!
You pervert!
Who are you calling?
If you're calling Boss Cheng
no one is going to answer...
Shut-up!
Registered mail for Miss Wang...
Sign here please...
Thank-you
Wang,
Lin is my only true friend
His confusion exists,
because he doesn't know...
what he wants in life
Please do me a favor,
help him understand the fire of a woman's love
and the tenderness of being embrassed...
is the most wonderful thing on earth
Though my time is up,
and couldn't experience this any more
Help him understand
Forever yours, Cheng
Cheng says you were his only friend.
Boss Cheng is also my only friend.
When this was printed,
54,000 copies were made.
Cheng destroyed 53,999 of the copies
This is the only copy left in the world
Cheng grew up with me,
he was like a brother
After high school,
we lost touch.
The next time I saw him,
I was already married
I always worried,
my pictures were in that nasty magazine...
Nasty? Why?
Because...
my husband is an self-righteous policeman,
if he ever found out I posed for the porno...
what would I do?
Once Cheng knew,
he opened the book store,
and began recovering every one of the books
He even bought this house for me
I knew he liked me
But, strangely,
he never asked anything of me...
It wasn't until I saw this letter...
that I realized he was impotent
All he could do is watch...
My husband knows nothing
These past few years have been so wonderful
It's just that...
I live in the shadow of my past
I feel like...
I am not worthy to live such a good life,
because I posed for the porno...
No, don't say that!
Don't you know how many young men,
night after night,
have overcome their loneliness...
how many boys,
have found comfort in these images!
You must know that?!
You're already a man,
Do you have a girlfriend?
You do. You just can't remember who she is,
just like Cheng used to be.
Whoever appears in you mind...
That's the one you need.
Lin, I really like you
Do you know that?
Boss Cheng, I remember!
I'll never be lost again
I finally know what I want
I wish I could turn back time
I wish I could find her,
and tell her:
"The tea egg was so delicious!"
Just a minute!
Damn! Isn't that cool!
whenever he wants to take a shit,
he takes a shit!
Absolutely amazing,
how was he trained?
His mom's a nurse
Mom, please don't, Mom!
Skipping class! Don't want to go to school!
You think school is painful?
Having an enema is real pain!
Don't go to the bathroom for 15 minutes
if anything slips out
you'll have to start again!
Dude, your order is ready.
Bastard!
Here he comes!!!
Where should I begin?
That day, after I'd cooked my tofu jello
I was pushing the cart across the street, when...
Hey Mr. Cop!
Don't you have anything better to do?
Get some good marks for your latest bust?
You should've given us a few porno magazines!
Then the policeman yelled:
If you've got balls,
not to use your brakes,
We'll see what you're made of!
If you've got balls, not to use your brakes!
We'll see what you're made of!
My brakes are out!
Bring it on!
Now let's see who's chicken shit!
All of a sudden,
something really strange happened,
I could watch every movement in the alley
I saw everything clearly,
like time had stopped
Dude! Let's go!
To be honest,
after that incident,
my outlook on life was different
That life is just like tofu jello,
you've got to eat it while it's still hot!
Lin, I really like you,
don't you know?
Who needs real women anyway?
Who needs a girlfriend?
I know, I don't
That day my heart broke
No one knows...
how fragile a young girl's heart is
Hey! You two bitches!
What's your problem?
Look at those clothes?
What are you trying to be?
And the hair?
Those dickweed shoes?
You call that style, think you're cool?
Shit, what I hate the most...
are girls who try to look like hooligans
Go home and find yourself a big dick!
Bastard!
Boy!
Isn't that a bit too small?
Come on! Come on!
This stick is waiting for you!
Tell you what,
one thing I hate the most is big dick
You won't believe this,
the Tomato Brothers wrote back!
Really!? They wrote!
Honestly,
women are tender and fragile
they are something you cuddle up for sleep
No matter how ferocious some women are
if they don't have a dick, they're not men
Tam,
how come you like the Tomato Brothers so much?
That's a secret...
Dearest Tam, it's Big Tomato,
thank you so much for writing...
Hey, Dude,
our agent says we should read this letter
Dear Tomato Brothers,
my name is Tam,
I am 17 years old,
and I live in Taipei
You may not believe this,
but just an hour ago,
I didn't want to live anymore
My grades are terrible,
I don't have any friends,
and I am a teenage punk
My parents have given up on me,
my teachers resent me
It's hopeless, I have no future
But these are not really that important,
they don't matter that much
The thing that hurts the most,
is the person I like the most...
doesn't need me at all
But I don't want to leave the world this way
Even though I know,
I'll never be the same again,
not like I used to be
I could never go back to good old days
Now,
going to Japan to see your concert...
is the only thing that keeps me going
I hope that when I reach Fuji Mountain
I can hear you singing
my favorite song...
Tam, no matter what happens,
no matter how difficult things are,
you've go to hold on
It'll be ok
Things will get better
I understand how you feel
It's like your heart has been ripped out
Next month,
We hope to see you at Fuji Mountain
I am expecting your presence
Consider this a date
Please show up
We will be waiting for you
See you there
We need money
Lin!?
You are...?
Don't you remember me?
Do you have a girlfriend now?
You know, I used to have a crush on you...
Hey! Let's go!
Lin, did you ever like me?
Damn, chicks robber,
and I am being robbed?
Let go of me! Bastard!
Tam,
if I asked you to go to the movies now...
would it be too late?
Get lost!
Come on! Let's Go!
Shit,
We only have enough for one ticket
Then you go by yourself
Anyway, you like them more than I do
and I hate boy bands
Do you think...
I would just leave you behind in Taiwan?
You think I would leave the only person
that cares for me behind?
We've got the photos of those two,
who robbed the store.
All units report back to the station
we've got the photos of those two,
who robbed the store
All units report back...
What are we going to do?
We haven't saved a single delinquent yet!
Not one!
If we can't find any,
we should fly in some delinquents from Japan?
Well, I'd heard troubled teens were everywhere
where are they hiding?
All this shooting and nothing but old ladies
who wanted us to come to Taiwan?
Who!?
Ken, I've prepared your favorite...
fried pork-chop, for the very last time.
Ken, I've never asked you this...
but when you have the time,
I'd like to go traveling
I'd love to go to Taiwan's CKS Memorial Hall
and watch the old ladies dance
Now it is too late
I wish I could make another lunch for you
and go to Taiwan with you
But I can't,
I am sorry
Forgive me
Do your best every day.
Your loving wife. Yuki.
Ok?
No problem
Thanks
Are you Japanese?
Here, let me help you.
Thank you
You're welcome...
A pack of Peace cigarettes
Luna, Lumi! Get your nets!
Camera crew, get your gear!
Get over here, quickly!
I've found someone!
Where?!
Don't run away you two!
We've got you!
You two punks!
We've got them, we've got them!
Great! Ya! Go Go!
What's going on?
Sorry, don't be alarmed
we are with a Japanese TV program
Our show depicts the lives
of Taiwan's teenage on the streets
It's me! Peace cigarettes...
When I saw Tam,
I started hearing music in my head...
just like my wife Yuki said:
when she saw me
she heard music
Much better
I know this is difficult
but please believe me
you can change your life...
but please believe me
you can change your life...
Give us a chance
and give yourselves a chance
Give us a chance
and give yourselves a chance
Please, let me help you!
Hey!
Don't make such a commotion here!
Is that van in the no-parking zone your's?
Is it?
Move it immediately!
Yes...
I owe NT$3,900
boss's NT$2,450...
and Skinny owes N$3,100...
And then there's the sword, 1,500
1,500...
altogether...
we owe NT$11,950
How much do we have now?
NT$102
Let's go
It's still a red light...
Fuck the red light! Let's go!
Hello everybody!
Hi!
The moment has finally come!
Is there still hope...
for us to rescue anyone?
The answer is right behind these doors!
Do you want to check it out?
Yes!
Ok, let's welcome...
our reformed stars!
Please!
How cute!
She is so lovely!
Is she OK?
O K!
Yahoo!
This is wonderful! Just wonderful!
Man, what a bunch of idiots. Mission accomplished!
Boss! There you are!
we're finally done
now we can go and have some fun!
Why does that smell so bad!
It's rotten!
How many days has it been?
About 10 days.
10 days! Don't eat it, it stinks!
Boss you're crazy!
let go!
You're crazy! Stop!
Stop eating it!
Let go!
To you it may be spoiled,
but to me it's delicious
This was the last lunch box...
that my wife made for me
in it is all of her love
Leave me alone,
so I can eat it bite by bite
Go find Okada to help us stop him!
When the sun comes out, the snow will melt...
Yuki... I wish we could talk...
It's too late...
It's already too late
Forgive me! Yuki...
Sis, is there someone you like?
I see
I am going that way, so...
You'll go to school, won't you?
Yeah...
Man, another red light!
When will we ever find that hand?
Hey, It's the hand!
Here this is NT$11,950.
You take it,
I don't like the Tomato Brothers anyway
Money!
It's the hand with money!
Finally we've found it! This is it!
See you later
Hey, you look great!
This is a sword, you know that?
How much money you got on you?
NT$11,950...
Damn, this is awesome?
Take it, if you want it
Good, then we don't have to cut off your hand
The shit that hit my face this morning...
Did you do that?
Drop that sword...
Hey, where are you going?
First you drag race,
then you throw shit and now this...
Armed robbery!
Dude, I've got him!
Three centimeters above the wrist!
Dude! It's the hand!
Stop!
You still haven't answered me...
Do you want to go to a movie with me?
You're home? What's wrong?
Are you all right?
I... ,
I missed you all day long
I used to think I could never love someone,
someone who was flesh and blood
I am so glad I was wrong
I've finally found you
Yes, you finally found me
I once read an article which said...
that a man's climax...
on average lasts for about 10 seconds.
And that Tibetan lamas...
can extend that time to 60 minutes
But that's only an hour
Now, I've found a way...
to keep that climax with me all the time
All I need to do is sit by her side...
and hold her hand...
and I...
This time I am really going to toss it away
Ok...
There's no turning back...
Ok...
Wait, Dude,
let me hold it just once more?
Me too, let me touch it one more time!
Dude!
Nooo! Don't do it!
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